Last week, I talked about the importance of bragging on your family in the privacy of your own home. It tells them that they are valuable to you because you have nothing to gain by doing so. Besides bragging on them in privacy, brag on them in public. When done properly, it doesn’t come across as braggy, but as something genuine and authentic.
This is something I can be really good at…and other times I can be really bad at. Sometimes, I have the tendency to make jokes at my wife’s expense. On the flip side, I can’t talk about her for more than a few seconds without saying how wonderful she is. I do my very best to recognize her publicly for the work she does.
During our Christmas musical she did a lot of work getting things ready behind the scenes. She was also responsible for ordering the roses that we give to those who help. In her own humility, she didn’t order a rose for herself. I made a special point to contact the florist and get one extra rose. I couldn’t believe how much it meant to her.
With our kids, this is just as important. Make sure you brag on your kids when you’re around others. It’s easier for me now, because my son is at major milestones, learning to walk and talk and beatbox (the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen). I am already intentional about bragging on him so that, hopefully, I will do it when he is older. I want him to know that I don’t care what other people think, I’m proud of him because he is my son.
One final word on this matter. I have been on the receiving end of a father who uses personal stories about his kids during sermons. Be cautious when doing this and always ask your kid’s permission before doing so. Even good stories can be embarrassing. I had a professor who said he paid his kids a few dollars for every story he used of them in sermons. I like this idea and may implement it with my own kids someday. Whether I pay them or not, I will definitely clear it by them first.
I really did appreciate that rose! We do appreciate it when you show us we’re appreciated in front of others. Zach will even more, of couse, as he gets older, but I think he has fun when you ask him to show off something new he does, or when you clap for his accomplishments. I hope I do the same for you. It’s definitely a good thing to consciously try to do.
Maybe we should post a beat-boxing Zachary video. 🙂
I’ve thought that about the video too.
Sorry to but in on the personal conversation :), but you definitely need to post a video. That stuff is priceless.
Jared, great words of advice for fathers and husbands. This is an area of my marriage that God really laid on my heart about five years ago. My wife and I have a relationship which involved quite a bit of good natured ribbing. During the first several years of our marriage, I would oftentimes share the “funny story” with a group of people or talk about her idiosyncrasies with friends. Most of the time, she didn’t seem like she really cared. About five years ago though, I realized that it wasn’t so much about whether or not she cared but about how I wanted people to perceive my view of my wife. I have an extremely high view of her, and that’s what I wanted people to take away from any conversation with me that involved a discussion of her. I still tell a story from time-to-time, but never one that would degrade or embarrass her. Instead, I try to focus on all the wonderful things about her (and there are many).
As for kids, I think you will find that it also depends on their personality. My nine year old boy likes it when I tell stories about him. Whenever I write an article or something, he always asks if I talked about him in it. 🙂 MOST of the time, I don’t feel like I need to ask his permission. There are some stories though which I know I should tread lightly on. Those I will either ask his permission first or just not tell. I have to be more careful with the stories about my daughter (who’s 7). She is much more prone to get embarrassed if I don’t ask her if it’s OK ahead of time. Teenagers – they are fair game! 🙂 You will have just as many stories from the teenage years as you do the toddler years (trust me). The problem with most teenage stories is they can tend to highlight the negative. You have to be much more intentional about finding the positive at that age.
One last thing which is only tangentially related. I’ve heard it said that for every negative thing you say to a child (correction, reproof, etc.), you should find five positive things to say. I don’t know if the ratio is necessarily correct, but I think the concept is!
Wayne, I think you’re right about each kid being different. For me, I don’t care the least bit if stories about me get told. I kind of like the attention. But I also think there are a lot of parents in both paid and volunteer ministry who have never even thought about whether or not their kid wants that story told, they just tell it.
And for the same reason you mentioned about not always being negative, even jokingly, about your wife, we need to do the same for our kids, especially when they are teenagers. If you only ever tell negative stories about them, people may get the wrong impression.
Holy Cow! I didn’t realize how long that “comment” was until I posted it. 🙂
I’m going to have to give you a word limit! But I enjoy it when you stop by and leave a comment, so I guess I’ll let you be. 🙂